Well I did it. I did ceremony with just the b.caapi vine. Wow, my mind is blown. I had no idea of what to expect and what happened was more than I could have hoped for.
I started off with ½ an ounce of the micro dosing drops. I could feel it coming on within the hour.
It started off slow and the Madre would talk with me and answer my questions.
I love the relationship that I have with her. She has such a great sense of humor and playfulness.
I did not expect to have visuals. Sure enough they were there. But in a different way than if I were to have taken the traditional ayahuasca brew. It was more of a dream state. In traditional ayahuasca the visuals come on strong and are vibrant and for me are in constant motion. It wasn't that way with just the vine.
I found myself being more clear minded and very in tune with my body and surroundings.
Before ceremony I had asked the Madre questions. At one point she told me to still my mind. I was like how am I suppose to do that. She said to breath and follow your breath. It worked. At one point she told me to raise my kundalini. I asked her how do I do that? She said to breath and focus on pulling the breath and energy up my spine and she gave me home work to do.
At one point the Madre told me it was time to purge. I said I will if you have the music start and ba boom right on cue the music started. A few thing like that would happen. I would think it and then ta da it happened. I would think about the facilitator and she would come sit next to me.
The next day was the best and most interesting. All day I had been dreading it. I wanted to go home. I knew she was going to take me deep. One of the things I noticed with just the vine is that you really notice your emotions.
After ceremony started I found myself getting really angry. I was so filled with anger that I wanted to run out the door and scream. I was like Madre what do I do with this anger. She said to get up and dance and whenever you are angry dance and send that anger into the earth to the aya doctors for healing and transformation this is one way to heal yourself through joy.
I got up and started to dance. It was instant joy. After that I sat there for the longest time just feeling the joy.
The Madre said now go and take a second dose you really need to purge. I don't want to I tell her. I am feeling so good I just want to feel the peace inside. She said ok I will let you sit here for a little longer but you have to take it sooner or later and the sooner you do it the sooner this will all be over. After a bit she was like ok it is time.
I go up to the facilitator and she says do you want the rest of the bottle. I tell her I only want 10ml. She said is that what the Madre wants. I said the Madre said I am free to chose. Ha. So as she is pouring something bumped her hand and she ended up pouring all of it in the cup. We kinda chuckled. I am like I guess I need to drink all of it.
The moment I swallowed it it all came back out and I started to purge. Not thinking, I said out loud “That wasn't very nice”. I could feel the Madre laughing and I found myself laughing inside too.
after the purging I found myself instantly feeling the emotions of past hurts and the anger which then quickly turned into tender moments that were subtle that my parents and my husband would do. For example, walk past and lightly touch my hair or tenderly touch my check.
I started to cry and cry and cry. I have a hard time crying and have never cried in ceremony. This was a much needed release and healing that took place. After that I spent the rest of the evening relaxed, aware, dancing, and in a peaceful dream state.
I do not know if this is what it is like for other people that sit with just the vine and I know that I would have had a much harder time if I would have taken more. I am a light weight and don't need much to feel the medicine.
I also do not know how much sitting with an amazing facilitator, the ceremony, icaros, music, being in a protective space, and being around others that were healing affected my experience. What I do know is it is not something I would do by myself.
I am so grateful for the facilitator, assistants and those that sat with me for making this one of the best ceremonies I have ever attended.